I'll start off with something from my e-mail inbox. As Ms. Mulaney is interested in and studies astrology, I signed up for e-mails from an astrology site. I have never been completely certain of astrology's accuracy, or of this particular site (though its horoscopes have been viewed as accurate by the astrology community), but I now identify as Libra. I take everything with a grain of salt, but there is some validity I have seen to the kind of person I am. Ms. Mulaney identifies as Cancer.
Now, apparently Libra and Cancer don't always work well together, so some people might wonder how I thought something would work out between me and Ms. Mulaney. I look at my aunt and uncle, who have two completely different personalities. For years people asked them what they saw in each other, as they are so different, and compatibility tests said they were nowhere near compatible. They have acknowledged they are different kind of people, but they still profess their love for each other and say they were the perfect match.
Sometimes astrology articles come to my inbox, which is why I have started off this post by talking about astrology. Today's talked about what thing a person with a given zodiac sign should work on this new year of 2019. Mine said I should get more involved in the grittier side of life. This goes against my nature, where I like beauty, peace, harmony, all that jazz. The article says getting a little grittier will bring balance. I am not a gritty person. Fighting wears me out quickly. I can't stay angry for very long. I hate getting involved in uncomfortable situations. If I start pushing back against someone, I worry that I have gone too far, and so I cease it all quickly.
At the moment I have a little fire inside me, so I'm going to type. For the Cancer zodiac sign, the article says: "Reinventing yourself this year will include growing a thick layer of skin to protect your sensitivities. As a Cancer, your sensitive nature makes you an understanding, empathetic friend, but it also allows you to take some things personally that are neutrally intended. Learning to thicken your skin will allow you to reinvent yourself without fear of what others might think or say."
I found this kind of interesting, for personal reasons. You see, when I used to message Ms. Mulaney, I tried to achieve balance. I would say positive, but to be realistic I also included a little negative. As I said before, I'm not a gritty person. I would try to bring the negative to more of a neutral stance, to show I'm fine with whatever sort of things I mentioned, to try not to hurt her. What this article says is that a Cancer "take[s] some things personally that are neutrally intended." So whenever, being a Libra, I tried to balance and turn the negative neutral, I might have accidentally caused harm. I realize now that I did this a lot, trying to be neutral to achieve balance. So...a lot of damage might have been done.
This makes me feel bad, knowing that I have hurt her whenever I was trying to avoid hurting her. With her latest stream, I started watching the beginning of it a little bit ago, but I had to stop because of something Ms. Mulaney said. Her new "aesthetic" pertains to hexing men who have done wrong to her and other women. Consider me startled. What this also means is that she could be holding a grudge against me.
I naturally want to be a peacekeeper, to correct things. The vibe I am starting to get is that she wants peace, just not between us. I don't like fighting, plus with this situation it would be useless and actually lead to trouble for me. Plus how would I restore balance if whenever I try neutrality she takes what I say in a bad way? Well, trying to be more gritty this year is supposed to bring more balance to me. So let's try this: I still love Ms. Mulaney. She has her reasons for pushing me away, and she has tried to do it in a way that causes as little hurt to me as possible, while still being responsible about this given situation. She wants to move on with her life, which I can understand, as I did pop up out of nowhere and apparently shake things up. I can't pretend that I haven't been hurt by some of her choices on how to handle this, though. That is probably because I would have handled things differently than she has, being a Libra and not a Cancer. So we both have unintentionally hurt the other person just by being ourselves and applying our natures to settling what has happened.
One post she put up talked about the different zodiac signs and how they would hurt other people. A Libra never wants to hurt anyone, while a Cancer stabs a person back if harmed. Even when harmed, I am not going to hurt someone back. Because I have unintentionally hurt her by trying my own way at things, she has a natural feeling of wanting to return the favor. As peacekeeper, I keep wanting to make peace, but if I am making peace in a way that accidentally harms Ms. Mulaney, she is going to keep wanting to strike me every time I do something she takes to heart...and I'm never going to strike back. Unless things are talked out, my peacekeeping will accidentally hurt her, and I am going to end up with a lot of small scars (as she understands that I don't mean any of the harm I have caused, but she can't help but at least nip back). We can both try to understand and deal with this thing, but if we don't do it together, things won't turn out very good.
There was another section I was considering typing, but this post is long enough.