November this year has taught me that the line between life and death is thin, that life is fragile. I also see life as a cold, lonely road; even if you make connections (which I feel like I will never be able to), you’ll always be alone. Then when you die, it’s the end of whatever there was. In some ways, life feels bleaker than it did a month ago.
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Well...it looks like I have COVID, and I am definitely sick. A lot of North Dakotans didn’t take this seriously, and a lot of them still don’t.
In other news, I no longer have a job. I resigned because of all my health issues. Anything else I want to say I don’t know if I should. My grandpa’s funeral is today, but I am unable to go because I have been having stomach problems all morning. ): I cried some yesterday; being sick made it hurt more. I am now alone in a hotel for the entire day.
I don’t think I am in a good place right now.
* For a little while now, I have had more digestive issues than normal. I have seen different doctors and run different tests, but I’m not getting anywhere yet. * Today, there has been a growing itch in my throat, with chills, headaches, and flashes of heat. * My grandpa just died from COVID; he had one of the worst cases in the hospital. Lots of residents and workers at assisted living had it too. * At work, I had fast been becoming friends with a coworker in her 60s. Over time, though, her intense conservative political and religious views were seeping more and more out, and things got uncomfortable. One Friday I became a sort of target and left. I told my boss, and the three of us had a discussion a week ago. Now my coworker refuses to talk to or be around me. She told our supervisors that she’s scared of me, doesn’t trust me, and doesn’t know what my morals are. She contacted her pastor and a bunch of other people and they fear something demonic or twisted with me. Work has not been the same. Since all of this happened, I have been having a lot more mental health problems and pain. Literally the only time I feel sort of okay is when I’m with Elsie. Early this morning, my grandfather died of COVID. I love and will miss him so much.
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AuthorI have mental health problems and have had a lot of traumatic things happen in my life. If anyone cares to read...here you go, and hopefully it will help some people not feel alone. Archives
April 2024
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