This has been a terrible, awful day. I feel like shit. It’s 6:30 p.m, and the world still won’t let well enough alone. Is this some kind of bad karma, is God punishing me for something I don’t know about, or am I trapped in some level of purgatory or hell?
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Not that there’s anyone reading this, but I felt like talking to somebody.
My heart feels sickened. There has been some tension with a coworker who I used to get along well with, and yesterday it led into an attack of sorts on me. Religion and politics were held against me; it felt demeaning. I left work early because I couldn’t take the atmosphere and didn’t know what to do. I thought I was developing some kind of connection, but now I feel awful when thinking of work. I am worried that I am going to run into problems with nearly everyone I encounter in life, and it’s going to mess me up more because my mind clashes with others, and human beings are biased, closed-minded, stubborn, and tend to fight when they don’t like what someone feels or thinks. It’s too exhausting. It hurts my soul. Plus I’m an easy punching bag that almost everyone I know snaps at and doesn’t want to listen to. I am a loner whose best moments are hanging out with his incredibly sweet cat. Meanwhile... My stomach problems lately have a cause: an overactive gallbladder, which will probably have to be removed. The grandparents on my mother’s side have COVID, which has been fun to hear about. It’s past 3 in the morning, and I’m too tired to write more. Good night. It’s been a while since I last wrote an entry.
Um... I might be about to lose my job. I have had really bad stomach problems the past couple weeks and have missed a lot of work. They are thinking about looking for someone to replace me. I’m trying to make things right, but I don’t know if I can. I could lose a new “friend” too. Also...though I’m getting stronger, there are times where I can feel my mental health going downhill, for reasons. Tomorrow is my birthday, but...it’s becoming a fight right now to be “fine.” |
AuthorI have mental health problems and have had a lot of traumatic things happen in my life. If anyone cares to read...here you go, and hopefully it will help some people not feel alone. Archives
April 2024
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