With that…my chances of being with Styna just shrunk again. Love is a rollercoaster, but my coaster only smashes into the ground. Styna is a wonderful, beautiful, special person, I love them, but through these feelings keep hurting myself. I’m the person who came along that noone asked for, and I fell in love, kept having these feelings no matter how many times things happened and my heart ached. If they’re getting back together, she/they might have their pain subside. Mine keeps going on for maybe forever; even when I get my digestive system stuff possibly figured out in May, there will still be this pain inside my head and heart.
My heart…why do I still keep crying?
P.S., Hours After Writing The Rest of This:
A few years ago, I had the striking feeling that Ash, Styna’s partner, was reading some of my posts, since it seemed like he was using what I wrote for his own gain. I’m wondering the same thing again, and I don’t know why my posts would matter to him.