* Elsie has taken a liking to laying down in the clean clothes basket.
* I was to rewatch Tristan + Isolde today, but the disc no longer works. * Elsie has taken a liking to laying down in the clean clothes basket. * I am continuing to have less and less to do. My mom has been taking college courses online, so I have been watching almost all movies alone (excepting for the new Dumbo stuffed animal I have beside me) for a few months now. I rarely get out of the apartment anymore.
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I have gone back to my solitude. Not only has Styna pushed me away...I think she is angry at me and hates me too. I don’t know why things have turned out this way. It’s like my feelings disgust her, and all I have ever wanted was us to be happy with each other. She thinks I’m some obsessed threat, but I actually love her. For saying that, she would hate me more. ...I get stuck sometimes. This is one of them.
I have been avoiding looking at Styna’s stuff for a while now, but today is Valentines Day, and... I love and miss her so much.
Hello, non-existent readers. Do any of you happen to be able to understand the basic hows and whys of human behavior? I ask because I seem to be surrounded by a network of people who behave in ways that are frustrating to me or that I don’t understand.
If the way the person is clashes with my own, I’m often to blame, even if I don’t see the picture of what is going on. It helps if other people communicate to me. Their actions and some of the things expressed could be interpreted by me in a certain way that isn’t aligned properly with their intentions, or the way they express things could be a turn-off that alters my perception. Missing or seemingly conflicting pieces draw my attention away too. It’s strange that the best communication and relationship I have is with my cat. * For the past couple days my nose hasn’t been doing very good. I have to keep emptying it out, and when I’m not emptying, flakes are falling out.
* I’m upset at the moment. Styna has pushed me away, and some times, like right now, it hurts and bothers more than at others. When I look at things, it feels like a torturous mess that sits there, gnawing. For any of these things or problems in life, there seem to be no answers or solutions; I have to keep living with them. * I am tired of bad dreams and nightmares. There is yelling, violence... Some leave me shaken. It messes with the number of hours of sleep I get.
* I feel like Styna is upset with me about something right now. It’s something I seem to be good at causing, but it’s not anything to be proud of. I want good, happy things between us, yet there’s always invisible obstacles in the way, and hope is a sad thing while moving forward in time. |
AuthorI have mental health problems and have had a lot of traumatic things happen in my life. If anyone cares to read...here you go, and hopefully it will help some people not feel alone. Archives
April 2024
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