I decided to look at my tarot for today. Yeah…this is…right on for how I feel. On the other hand, I have had a cat snuggling with me on my bed for six hours so far. She is one of the biggest blessings I have ever had in my life.
0 Comments
Why does pain inside keep coming? I want it, my life, everything to end, it all keeps on. I'm going on 25 years old and instead of life there has been too much of the dark for my age; nothing is ever going to get better. Static, loss, emptiness, heartbreak, these aches.
I have been going to a “day program” off-and-on for over five months now. I had grown sort of close to my supervisor; now he no longer works at the program, with noone filling his position. I didn’t know him for too long, but it is apparent that I get attached to places and people, since trauma from the past surfaces whenever I am confronted with the fact he’s gone; I am reminded of all the deaths, departures, and estrangements of my life, a never-ending cycle of loss.
Jumping over to Styna….she’s not doing good. She has been isolated since the beginning of the COVID pandemic over two years ago, with no end in sight. On top of that, the news has been flooded with horrible things lately, with people not even being able to trust the government, so…it’s like her mental health is under assault from nearly everywhere. I love her, but I can’t do anything to help or comfort her. I can’t be with her, talk to her, hold her, anything. Nobody is there with her except her animals. I want her to be okay, yet there is nothing happening to help her. Our world is okay with people suffering. I need so much sleep. My stomach keeps having problems. Sometimes I feel like with all the things going on that the world is collapsing.
Elsie is really sweet and wants to snuggle a lot. As for the person I love, I feel like something happened and she is scared of and angry with me again; that another thing is now going to happen and I’m about to be bitten. So…I’m scared, tired, upset with myself for whatever I did, my stomach hurts. It’s a new day. The hope bottle for life is close to empty. The cat must be somewhere nearby. |
AuthorI have mental health problems and have had a lot of traumatic things happen in my life. If anyone cares to read...here you go, and hopefully it will help some people not feel alone. Archives
April 2024
Categories |