I came to realize that I do love her; I’m not fooling myself. Maybe it’s that the way I love doesn’t sync with the way she feels love. I really have wanted to marry her, I love her so much. And so I have waited all this time for her to love me too.
But she doesn’t love me, and she can’t feel my love. A few years ago, someone told me that I may never be able to be loved. Now, after trying to show Styna I love her, and waiting over a year, I don’t feel l can be loved, or that there is anything to love about me. I have been patient, I have tried fixing every mistake that I make, I have even believed that maybe my love for her is a mistake. I feel hurt, I feel neglected and disposable.
Even after this post of Styna’s, I don’t feel like I will ever find someone who loves me. After bringing myself to the table, I don’t feel like I have anything to offer. Like I’m not good enough to be loved, that my love isn’t good enough. All my feelings have ever done are hurt her and make me into a threat.
I don’t feel loved. And I don’t think I ever will.