I don't know if Ms. Mulaney is okay or not. She has been going through a lot this month, and the book she was planning on coming out with next month might now be gone along with all the other stuff from her computer. There is also something medically, with her wrists and heart, that is going on, though I don't know what it is.
This past day, grief hit me a little harder, though I stuck it out through it. I am becoming less confident that Ms. Mulaney will ever have feelings for me. I know I'm supposed to move on, but I keep feeling like my heart is with her. I go through each day having feelings, but I also know that it's bad that I keep having them, as nothing will come of them. It is a problem that never seems to stop haunting me. I want what I can't have, but there is genuine emotion wrapped up in this want, actual feelings. I keep living with what I've done wrong, and my feelings don't go away. There's the feeling of wanting to give and share everything, the knowledge that it won't happen, and the force given to the notion that she doesn't care and that I'm alone.
I'm tired, depressed. Going to get ready for bed.