I am still where I have been. For over a year, my feelings have been about her, and I have wanted something more. From the outside, I am a threat, but this to me is the love that I never knew could exist for another human being. I’m not her partner, so anything I feel is wrong to her. To me, my love and commitment are real, and so are my feelings, which I have lived with this long. I go to sleep thinking of her, I wake up to the same. Though we’re not in a relationship, the feeling of intimacy and being whole and happy with her stays with me. My feelings predate their relationship; their feelings for each other might have started before I discovered her, but that is only by a few months. My love for Styna has been going on for almost as long as they have loved each other. The two of them didn’t acknowledge their feelings for a long time, and she hasn’t dealt with my feelings for her for even longer.
And since I can’t do anything about my love, and it is seen as a foreign threat, I don’t know what to do. She makes me happy, and it is hard now to imagine a life without love for her. It would make things easier, but these feelings I have for Styna are some of the most beautiful I have ever felt. In a situation like this, what is there to do? It’s easy for her to join her love with his and keep me away. Life and the everyday isn’t as simple and free for me; I am in love with someone who I can’t have and who feels threatened by my very existence. My feelings for her are as real as those they have for each other. My life is the lonely path.