This past day, my love for Ms. Mulaney got really strong. I'm becoming more at peace about the situation, but I continue to have feelings for her and a strong desire to be with her for the rest of my life.
In other news, my brother had a major explosive episode around midnight. (I typed this up at about 4 AM. If Daylight Savings Time hadn't moved clocks forward an hour, it would be 3 AM.) As usual, I don't have to do anything for him to get angry at me. His mind sees things incorrectly to an absurd degree, his temper flares up, and there's no reasoning with him. For an hour he screamed at and threatened me as well as threw objects at me. I sat at my seat here at the table, trying to get documents done, and every once in a while would get a monotone comment in that pointed out how ridiculous he was being. Of course, that flusters him, and makes him angrier. After my mom forced him to bed, it took me a while to calm down inside. He'll be 18 in November, and after all these years he still can't control his temper, and sometimes it takes nothing to start it off. I have woken up some mornings to him yelling at my mom about how much he hates me and wants to kill me, and it's him yelling the same things over and over again with no logic or explanation for why he's so mad.
I also had a brief panic episode where I worried that Ms. Mulaney might, without me knowing it, be using magic to see inside my head, and how I might unintentionally be hurting her again. It made me want to hurt myself, as I felt that I was messed up and with every breath I took was causing her damage.
I think I'm okay at the moment. Bedtime.