Based on a few of her recent posts, if they're to me, she might have been wondering what I really wanted from/with her, feeling that I wasn't honest. I felt like we were friends, partners, companions, lovers. When I have said I want to love her, what did I mean? Romantically, in the general sense of "love", and physically (but only if she wanted it too). My attraction to her is not just physical; I wanted an actual, steady, loving relationship with her that lasted. "Physical" was the whole spectrum, but only what she felt comfortable with or wanted; kissing, holding each other, hugs, sex, holding hands, etc. Sex wasn't a dealbreaker. If she didn't want it, I would have masturbated in private to relieve that stress. I didn't want just frivolous sex for pleasure, either; the thought was that it would be a sign of commitment and to help us bond on other level. If not, then not. I didn't want to "use" her; I still have only wanted to love her, and even now, when she is not mine, I still love her. Despite the stress inside me to do it, I haven't been masturbating.
If she has been feeling the greater love for and connection with her friend, if he is the one who makes her the happiest, I respect that, and I want her to be the happiest she can be. I will not take the idea that I really don't love her, because I know I do, and I would do anything for her, expecting nothing in return. She is the person I love, and I am in love with her. That isn't a remark to try to change the situation from what it is; it's a fact. When I say I love her, I mean it sincerely. If a person thinks again that I'm being manipulative, so be it. I know what I feel.