I crave connection, but it’s not something that is easy for me to find or develop. Over the past 13 months, the connection I feel with Styna has gone on, grown, and changed in different ways. Since she got a boyfriend, it’s like the connection with him has taken all feelings of connection she has with me. She is such a big part of my everyday life, and she has made her way into parts of me that I either didn’t know I have or didn’t think could ever be accessed. I love her so much. I felt for the first time that I could just be me with someone and the two of us could be happy. This feeling is everlasting commitment, and of wanting to shed all protection and coverings from myself, to connect and be vulnerable with someone in all ways. To be loved for who I am, and to love the other person so much I would do anything for them. This happiness and sense that we are connected has been disappearing. She is the person I have felt like loving and being connected to forever. Now, I don’t get anything, and what’s left is love and a big feeling of loss. There has been all this build-up, but now I’m alone and wondering where things went. I want something that is so much more, and I felt it with Styna. My love is still here, but she isn’t.
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AuthorI have mental health problems and have had a lot of traumatic things happen in my life. If anyone cares to read...here you go, and hopefully it will help some people not feel alone. Archives
April 2024
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