I am still hurting. I still want to love her despite not being able to. It feels like I lost my life partner. And I never know what it is that I don't know. At times I don't feel anything regarding my life, and at others I feel helpless. I want to be happy, too. I thought it was finally my turn to enter a relationship, to have a connection with somebody. I still love her. I've said it before, but it still hurts: Loving someone isn't enough when that person loves someone else, and the two worlds are closed off to each other.
I have to go through this stuff all day long. There's never an end. Since last August, it's never ended, and what I feel has never been enough. Lessons of Life and past experiences with pain never stop bothering me.