Right now, there’s the feeling that she wants nothing to do with me. I have wanted to be with her for a long time.
They are together. I feel cold and alone.
For more commentary by this reviewer, travel to his Letterboxd page at https://letterboxd.com/haroldbleacher/ . |
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Today was the first day of Styna’s boyfriend’s stay with her. There has been lots of silence.
Right now, there’s the feeling that she wants nothing to do with me. I have wanted to be with her for a long time. They are together. I feel cold and alone.
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Every day now, there’s the feeling of “would you do this with/for Styna,” and a “yes” to go with. I am in love with her, and I am always aware of it. I want to commit to my love forever and see that forever through. If I was asked why I love her, what makes her stand out to me, there is no quick answer. She is a person, not a list of traits, and it’s a person I love. There are things I love about her, and then there’s actually loving her. Styna has my love; it’s not simply a thing given, for it’s a state of being for me now. My status is “in love.” We’re not together, but oh, how I love her.
Today, Styna’s boyfriend is traveling on four planes to see and stay with her.
It’s been hitting me hard again, that she and I will never be together. Someone else is taking the journey to see her, and he’s the one she wants. I am always a stranger she could never love. There is love and hurt in my heart at the same time. My heart has been waiting so long. Well, peoples... I have been getting replies back from the Support team regarding what happened with The Directory page. Except I am not getting answers to my questions, but instead advice on other things, such as how to make web speed faster, or criticism on things like me putting a lot of words in a text box. So, quite frankly, I’m on my own with this.
My love for Styna is alive. Sometimes I can’t believe I could ever feel this strongly about someone, or such feelings existed. Nothing gets in the way of this love for her; it is like something impenetrable, invincible. And it doesn’t scare me. With this love, it’s like her very existence promises happiness, and the love promises a safe, certain security in her. The world is better simply by having her be in it.
For the first time in a year. we as a family sat down at the dinner table tonight for supper. It didn’t take five minutes before my brother exploded and verbally attacked me.
I’m heading out to see Lawrence of Arabia in theaters, and my pants are ripping. |
AuthorI have mental health problems and have had a lot of traumatic things happen in my life. If anyone cares to read...here you go, and hopefully it will help some people not feel alone. Archives
April 2024
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