Styna is off planning her future, while mine is slow to load. Since I can’t interact with anything of hers, I feel more stuck in my moratorium.
I want to do something different, something exhilarating and spontaneous, but I don’t know what. I also get trapped in my daily cycles of things I do, and my mind wanders from tasks. For the past seven years, life has been mostly blah, with negative episodes that strengthen the depression. I’m never encouraged to change things up or break the mold. Bad things happening are the only things that put any spark in my dull life. Do I like this? No, but there’s not much I can think of that does anything about it.
Can you believe that my mom still talks about how she hopes I live with her for a long time from now? I know it’s because she loves me, but I think the fact that outside of work she doesn’t really do anything stresses this too, since my movie hobby actually gets the family to do things every once in a while.
When I do spontaneous or strange things, family says I am embarrassing myself. But those things give life flavor, and flavor makes me a little happier.
Typing to myself can get dull too.
So BAZOOKA! GRENADE!! POISONED LEMONADE!!!